SCREAMS!!!

2009-09-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

*tears*
it's just amazing how things are going... things are beginning to settle down... got back my results... not much to wow about... quite disappointed with myself... i disappointed my mom... i'm just gonna have to study hard to pull everything back up... friends all got high marks... well worst still... one of em was actually someone who i helped with studies... how ironic can things get...

I've just finished working as a steward for mandarin hotel for the F1 event... tired.. scars on my hands... bruised... legs could barely continue walking... but it was worthwhile i guess... i'll be working again on tues, fri, sat and sun... more pay... then wed going out with some ppl for hari raya... was invited so might as well... it's the only thing i can do since i can barely even meet the girl i love...

Maybe with how i feel bout things right now... i can finally complete that song and mayb change it a little... to the way i feel right now... AND hope that someday you can hear it...

LOVEYOU,
MISSYOU.

2009-09-13T01:13:00.000-07:00

JUICE IS WORTH THE SQUEEZE
hi...
been too long...
amazingly i'm actually updating this blog. wanted to actually kill it off and let it be.
hmmm. what's been going on. obviously a lot since i last updated. but don't think it's much to
know of. spent a lot and most of my time with my dear girl. well. i'm back in tkd. gotta a lot to catch up. i need to get a double jump in belt to catch up to the others for the next two grading. what a drag. guess will just have to try. oh. i was working yesterday, got home around 2.30a.m. was really sticky. didn't sleep cos was waiting for breakfast which was at about 4.45a.m. then fb-ed a little then went to sleep. that's most probably it for what happened yesterday.

hmmm,
the title i gave this post actually means something. it is actually from a show i watched with dear on lappy. THE GIRL NEXT DOOR. quite a good show but not suitable for kids. haha.
one thing i liked about the show is that it made me realised certain or actually one thing. MORAL FIBRE: not really bout being a smart dude. righteous and all. it's kinda more towards what you do. it's more to finding that special someone. when you find her, everything else just doesnt matter. you put her on top of everything. cos in the end you'll know that THE JUICE IS WORTH THE SQUEEZE. which actually means everything is worth it. cool eh. really moves you. i guess htat's about all i wanna share... byez...

2009-07-15T02:50:00.000-07:00

ALWAYS THERE

haha... well dear,
i'm sorry about the next coming two weeks...
seriously...
very heartbreaking....
iloveyou,willmissyou..

Anyway... school has been quite fun... classmates all getting close to each other... almost like a family... it's amazing how things work out... hoping everything else will... retest coming... ARGH!!!!
i'm so scared... have a feeling i'll fail... nvm la... not my best subject... very scared... so depressed...
well, not really... just have to go through it... just to be where i want to be... to be with dear too...
dont want to think about it alr... haha... last night... i kinda spent it with crystal... went back at 11pm... i was asking her to go home but kept on stopping her the moment she stood up... haha...
SOOO CONTRADICTING... sorry dear.. had a blast of a time... hope you did too...
OH... HAPPY B'DAY FLORENCE!!! WOOTS!!!
A YEAR WISER NOT OLDER...
then tmr is ZHAOHUA's B"DAY!!!
MUST WISH HER>>> LOLS...
ok... need to go think bout certain things now... be writing aain soon... BYEZ

2009-07-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

THE MONTH...(SCARY MUSIC PLAY)
haha... its really all in the mind... well... everything is fine so far... but always preparing for the worst... 5 months with crystal... WOOTS!!... love you dear!!!... well she means loads to me...
ppl are breaking up this month... pressure? problems? school? work? time? money? kinda depends on how you engage the situation... problem, engage, solute... seems easy saying it this way... but sometimes life's a hassle... hmmm... wat ppl shud think is what happened to talking of what used to be and all the things you did... i'm not perfect... i have my mistakes too... AND I'm sorry bout it dear... but we must all learn to work it out... yes sometimes it can be a pain in the arse but ppl WAKE UP>> smell the flowers... the world is full with complication... where's the person you were when you chased the other just to be with you... it's like getting married... you cant run away... you have to learn... but of course as you age you'll think differently, and treat relationships with more respect... hmmm might be talking from experience here... anyway, look try to get help if you cannot find a solution... stay sweet... byes...

CRYSTAL<33
well my dear its been really fun wif you...
you're right letting go is hard... haha.
been having days of joy with her...
bbq, movies, laptop, sending her home...
it's my first time doing that... lol...
guess i forgot to tell you...
5 months is also the longest relationship i've had by 3 months...
not really much to expect from the past cos we were all young and naive...
it's different wif you i guesss...
really savour every moment with you...(touchwood)
kinda almost had this downfall this month...
sorry bout that my dear...
Guess my anger took control...
but everythin is fine btwn us i hope...
haha... hmmm...
jet planes, mansions, penthouses, travelling...
hope it'll be something...
not just a dream...

promises made,
words spoken,
the love for you in me,
WOULD NEVER BE BROKEN...

kiss upon a cheek,
letting your hand go,
always remember,
YOURE MY HEART AND SOUL...

loveyoudearXOXO<33

2009-06-25T19:32:00.000-07:00

Uncomplicated, you enjoy the simple things,
Don’t need no make-up you just wear what nature brings,
If you could see what I see you would know you’re beautiful.

You make it easy to love you every time you smile at me,
And it’s so easy to love you girl you shine so naturally,
I couldn’t even count them there’s so many ways,
You make it easy to love you.

You can’t hide it, it’s there in everything you do,
You don’t see it, and that’s just why I fell for you,
If you could see what I see you would know you’re beautiful.

You make it easy to love you every time you smile at me,
And it’s so easy to love you girl you shine so naturally,
I couldn’t even count them there’s so many ways,
You make it easy to love you.

You make it easy to love you,
If you could see what I see you would know you’re beautiful.

You make it easy to love you every time you smile at me,
And it’s so easy to love you girl you shine so naturally,
I couldn’t even count them there’s so many ways,
You make it easy to love you .

It's a song obviously.
i guess it kinda speaks out how i feel about you.
you have never made it hard for me.
my heart, the first time i met you, i felt uncertain.
i even thought i blew it.
i was shocked and baffled.
but now, you are the person i think of everyday.
all those little steps we took.
to get to where we are now.
all the little things we do just to be with each other.
from minutes to hours.
no matter how long.
we would still meet.
all these little things stack up to where we are now.
I LOVE YOU DEAR.XOXO

2009-06-25T03:39:00.000-07:00

haha. i'm back. just been at the salon for 3 hours. reborn my fringe lol. ooo. haha. tiring. i'm living independently now. well without my parents. in the background is my beloved grandma. yep taking care of me now. she has given me the present ever and that is FREEDOM. lols. how i longed to have it bt now i do i dont know what to do with it. haha. met crystal yesterday. it was by far the best day i've ever had. oh i didnt just meet her alone but with two other couples. not what i had in mind but fun altogether. very nice ppl indeed. fun to be with i shud say. haha. may all you that i've just met stay strong and healthy. lol. as for me, things are going just fine. smsed mira yesterday too. the sweet girl who went through thick and thin with me. sometimes with each other. it was kinda funny cos she was afraid of crystal. lol. i guess there's a first time for everything. my friend just got a sec three girl at 2.47am this morning. woots. hope you and vanessa stay strong.
anyway, i'm 4months with dear girl now. working on 5. haha got back with leo, guitarist cum besty. weird dude with orange hair. i'm gonna start getting back all i had lost. time with ppl especially crystal. love her to the core. woots. anyway, to end this post, i'll let you in on a vid me and leo made... singing viva la vida. dont mind the glasses. haha. hope we sound ok. oh ya listen to it with low volume and headphones. cos the last part too loud the sound a bit crashed. haha. anyway toodles.

SAVE YOU

2009-06-03T16:57:00.000-07:00

woots. a lot has happened over the past hmmm one month i think. sorry sorry. been having lots of project work. haha. group and individual. oh and tests too. been getting a's except for one dissapointing test which i got a c =.=... haha... i'll have to push that up. as usual my class seems to be one of the craziest class. having no thought of the teacher in a way. of course having a leader like me doesn't help that. kinda adds to that. lol. cos i kinda believe that i can't stop them from what they're doing cos that's their way. also the fact that i sometimes or used to do them. my class got kinda split into small groups but don't get it wrongly, we're still one big family. my group is called 4 AMIGOS. there is me, a chinese dude, an indian dude, and another chinese but he is from brunei. cool rite my group. lol. i also made a so called string band. guitars, bass and singer. well, haha, they were shocked when i let them listen to a recording i made with my good friend, leo. talking bout him. it's been some time since we met. i never regretted calling him during the hols to hang out. recalling back those times can bring tears of happiness. from looking for jobs, to getting a job at fish and co, to recordings, movies, falling in love, hanging out, talking bout leo's problems, smiles, tears, pain... sort of... what else. oh and tmr is crystals birthday... haha happy birthday deary. may you have a fruitful year and may your wishes come true. and this sunday marks the 4 mths that we're together. woots. haha. dear, i know at times we fight and argue but a thousand fights(which wont happen) would never change the fact that i will still love you much indeed. ok thats about it i think. nothing else i would talk about. haha. stay sweet.

2009-05-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

BANGED UP

hey, really sry ppl. been really busy. done thinking through. so basically the title says everything.
i'm literally banged up. got some shit that happened on saturday. with some old geezer. he pushed my mom off the escalator while she was trying to pick up my sister's wallet.
MOM: excuse why did you push me?!
GEEZER:ppl trying to walk right. what's your problem?!
ME:EH! what's yours, shut up la.
GEEZER:your mother teach you that ah!
ME:you got problem with my mother is it. like your mother teach you properly.
next thing i knew a luggage bag flew to me.which didn't hurt til i went to the docs. CRACKED RIBS.
nearly punctured up my lungs. now, i cant meet CRYSTAL cos of this. to make it worst, i've really been someone else. been so mad. how do i explain this. maybe its easier to be written then said. I'm really afraid tht it's back. tht thing chained up in me. CRYING at night just begging it wouldnt. and all those thoughts keep coming back.
MIKAH's THOUGHTs:
i love her,
but what am i doing.
i'm always not there.
will my promises just be words to her.
pls dont come out again...pls...
i'm saying sorry to her
but i know she's still hurt.
i'm sorry.
mikah youre just a loser
you leave her there
and what you do
you leave her with more things to worry
she's just a girl for god sake.
WHAT AM I???
WHO ARE YOU MIKAH???
you always talk about the better side.
where is hers?
can you just pls stop???
END
it's gonna sound funny when you read it. but think about it. you think about every single detail this way. NO MORE!!!!!! she really means a lot to me and i'm gonna prove it. put my life on these words. cross my heart. my life. i'll remember these words. i'm not just gonna sit here and think of you knowing you really need me. i'm just gonna do something bout this.

2009-05-12T11:46:00.000-07:00

2:47am(WTF?)

i'm like here still thinking. screwed up my test just now. what i'm thinking bout? well, to solve other ppls problems. i still have other things to think about. hmmm let's see. well, might as well state things here. nice and clear. where are all my friends now. far from my reach. neither able to be with the other. no more singing. my dreams shattered to tiny pieces. leaving me with a no choice kinda thing. been angry these few days. aggitated. ppl who are close to me knows what happens to whoever that aggitates me to the max. been coughing for a month now and still going. should be fine soon.
these past weeks i've been caught up with so much. last week came home late for three straight days. i didn't get into soccer. which isn't a big deal. zouk was stupid. spent bloody 8 bucks on drinks. note to self, school events suck to the core. friday first cca training(taekwando). don't ask why. bloody long story. though i am not into competitive fighting, i have nothing left to take up but this. just waiting til the day i crack and see who is that unlucky person.
everything else is okay. the better side of my life still strong i guess. still going. the day i turn 17 was the day me and crys commemorate our 3 month anniversary.. luvugurl... waitingfor a lifetime. hopefully.

2009-05-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

WHAT'S HAPPENING?
It seems that i haven't been really happy at all. Am I CHANGING? or is it life's test to see whether i would still want to go through with it. Either ways i don't want to know. Am i that WEAK. to let go and give up. i've done that like so many times. it's that HARD for me. If POLY is changing me then i'd rather NOT GO. if being OLDER makes me wanna let go then i'd stay YOUNG. should i have said those words to everyone. what if i don't stick to it. i just don't know right now. everything anyone has ever told me. brus, cryst, mom, dad. just really hopelessly LOST. why do i even complain to ppl when i can't do shit. have i let cryst down? have i let brus down? do mom and dad really trust me? i can no longer help ppl. i've lost that. all those times when thinking hard was the only thing i've got. to make myself better. to be somebody. i like helping ppl but it seems that bydoing so i would later on hurt them with my PRESENCE. i've always known what to do. why do i not know now. is it happening again. where the villains have their happily ever after. still having the scars of what used to be but still i fight for what may be. is this right. still it's what i want to do, to be with you. BUT would you still have enough to be with ME. don't want to be a BURDEN. just wanna love. nothing to fight against but life itself. two paths, two ways, two endings. my brus, are we still blood or just me and mus, que mayb. or could it be me. i love you all still. but would you still accept me when its hard for us to share even a laugh. all these questions. would there be answers. or just another memory or a passing thought.
i never wanted this to happen between any of us(cryst and brus)
or is it only mewho feels this way. i have always been the different guy. the guy who none of you would expect me to be. am i just changing to becoming a regular jerk who forgets his words and his ppl. would i still be mikah nafri in your eyes or just plan md. irfan hakm. is mellisa right to say that i cannot help my own relationship. have she been right. have i overlooked myself. or am i still everything i promised and said i would be and do. why are tears just flowing again. talking about you everyday and night to ppl. not knowing how you are and feeling. is mom right ? am i a bad boyfriend and friend. all is left to say is i still hold my promises to you. to belive or not to believe is up to you. i'm still thinking of how to rid this insanity and pain from my ( your?) heart. from seeing you to talking to you.
BEST WISHES~MIKAHNAFRI

2009-05-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

2 weeks and i'm still going. just completed my project a few hours ago. was kinda stressed out. teacher threw at us the software and expect us to come up with a 3D form and a slide presentation. my class don't even know what to do. some idiots don't even know that there was a project. i had to remind them. i kinda have to cos i'm the class chairman. have soccer try outs next wed. going zouk on thurs. no girlfriend for anothr week. i think. SAD. T.T . nothing i could do. school just end so late. guess i got too used to seeing her every week during my hols. AND I HAVE NO REGRETS.

i was reminiscing the old days just now. seem to smile at most of it. thinking what was i thinking last time. YOUNG AND STUPID. still may be actually. all the fights in sec sch. the tears. the laughs. shuffling. the seven miss outs. lol. one was dated by all the 4SCARS brus. me, mus, zam, que aka parang, pedang, pisau, tongkat. haha. names started with mai. lol. thanks to my brus and a few counselling, i'm a better person. i hope. lol. BRUS 4 LIFE.

well there's nothing better i can say about this very certain person. she's just full of AWESOMENESS. haha. she's noneother then crystal. lol. been very busy studying. JYJY. good luck la. i'm very happy and honoured to be her boyfriend. it's like heaven on earth as in expression not the drink haha. lol. once exam is over, she'll be the first girl i'm with during the exam period. love her so it doesnt really matter. ppl find it weird that i'm with a girl like 3 years apart. i don't see anything wrong with that sia. when love strikes it strikes. haha. so philosophical. anyway, still missing you and always loving you.

2009-04-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

EMILY OSMENT

you all may better know her as skater chick lily trescott in hannah montana.
She can sing and act obviously. lol. it's weird.
she is so much better than miley.
DON'T YOU THNK SO?
tag me your answers. lol.

BACK TO LIFE

School has been a wreck...
tired but still pushing myself...
always sleeping l8 trying to finish up the hw...
this is really tough...
its totally diff then what you ppl in sec sch are having...
you study on your own and your work is like wtf...
this is where i put myself to the limit i guess...
where life and work has to be balanced to keep myself sane...
kinda piss me that i cant really sms my dear girl...
not til i finish which is kinda l8...
i guess...
exams are coming for sec sch...
my sis seems to be relaxed as usual...
my birthday plans canceled...
stupid sch...
DEPRIVED of my own girl...
really miss her...
need to buy books for sch...
gotta stop playing games in certain classes...
basically i'm fighting on=)
anything else is a mere memory...
gees...
i'm still having flu....
stupid weather siol...
hot and wet...
cold and dry...
all mixed up...
all of you make sure you don't fall ill...
haha...
be strong...
staysweet...

2009-04-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

2009-04-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

FIRST DAY

wow....
it was damn syiok ba...
all of you sec school ppl don't complain hor..
i finish 6+ almost everyday...
haha...
tiring but a good type of tiring...
first lesson about programming sia...
my uncle say damn fun...
ok lah except for the part where i dont und what teacher saying sia...
PATHETIC...
lunch was at 11.30...
sms GIRL but she l8 reply...
she busy nia...
very poor thing...
jyjy, you can do it...
second lesson, even better...
sit around play games ah...
do finish work ma...
GIRL, that's why i can reply you just now...
haha...
my classmates damn fun to be with...
oh, shook a lot of ppl's hands liao...
too friendly lah me...
all this learn from my brus...
no violence no more...
sick of my old ways...
ok ok back to the topic...
lecture was boring...
as usual...
but i got thru with it...
see your BOI really trying to work hard haha...
stayed awake liao...
after that met my fren to take the pre paid...
must thank her...
yesterday night i sad she helped me solute the prob...
and GIRL she dying to meet you...
lol....

BAD NEWS

my b'day celebration can't be held on 7th may...
i have to push it to 6th may...
so ppl pls take note...
tell me whether you can make it on that day...
7th my class end at 5.30pm
6th is 11.30am
so since you guys got exams...
end early ma...
its the best time to celebrate...
GIRL...
i know its sadistic but means we can't celebrate anniversary...
SORRY really SORRY...
i hope we can celebrate it all on 6th...
stupid sch...
that's all i guesss...
Stay Sweet...

2009-04-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

STARTING SCHOOL...

ORIENTATION
haha...
i'm back>.<
been a heck of a week with orientation...
monday(1304): met classmates, watch performances
tuesday(1404): came late, became class rep, played bowling
wednesday(1504): skipped sch, something happened, met crystal, wacthed a movie
thursday(1504): flag day, reached woodlands at 6:30, sent friend to police station and PARTIED!!!

well that was my week...
don't wanna talk about friday cos it sucked...
apart from meeting my brus of course...

PARTY
it was really cool...
danced like hell...
ended with two tired legs...
splits...
front flips...
but there was a dude who i knew, kissed a fat girl...
the fact that he did that is disgusting even if he is like older...
BLECH!
this ain't america man...
haha...
nightmare siol...
oh ya then me and leo decided to join the retro dance club thingy...
to dance like grease and hairspray..
damn cool...
OH i also did my pussycat dolls dance..
dear, you should know which one...
lols, really funny...
that's it...
stay sweet...

2009-04-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

CAMPS=)

hey readers...
i was stuck at camp for two days...
i just came back today...
had lots of fun...
the night walk was as we campers say...
AWESOME...
the ghost were damn scary...
shocked my guts sia...
almost became gay...
there was a telematch on the last day...
damn funny..
i was the only one to spin 15 rounds and the first to spin 10...
power sia me..
lol, self praise...
in total i spun 35 rounds...
crazy right...
damn high...
so watch me and some friends WIPEOUT...

MISSING YOU

it has been quite some time since i've seen you or talked to you..

only god knows how much it hurts not being able to do so...

it seems as if i'm a slave and you're a princess...

whose love is forbidden...

but still love cos the feeling's too strong...

i'll always be trying to find ways to meet you...

it sadens me to not be able to be by your side...

i really love you...

and now at the roughest of times, it seems that we need each other more than ever...

*sigh* and i await that day when our hearts shall be together again...

to feel your warmth and see that heartwarming smile...

but know this...

no matter what, i'll always be with you...

in your mind...

-poetic words by md. irfan hakim for his dearly beloved

2009-04-07T22:56:00.000-07:00

FULL OF WEIRDNESS

hey there...
woke up at around 9 today...
went into deep thought about what i said in my previous post...
was being a little emo...
smsed my dear girl...
guess what the scars are gone...
really really weird...
it didn't even hurt...
well physically...
hmmmmm, my parents think that i broke up with my girl...
of cos it isn't true...
just didn't want them to blame her...
know them too well...
they just dont understand that i really really really love her...
its like they dont want to see me happy...
but i know thats not their reason...
the fact that when i'm with her, i'm always smiling...
haha, always having fun and laughing...
wishing it could never end...
always missing her...

Oh...
my dear girl cooked today....
i thought i didnt have to cook for her since she already how to BUT
it turns i still have to in the future...
haha, i dont mind...
must feed her good food...
personal chef...
i love making food...
and i so want to take her to TEXAS...
lovely sunset...
milking cows...
haha, texas cows...
MOO!!!!
i'm so glad adik got her voice back...
so hard to be unable to talk sia...
her brother quite cute...
high pitched voice...
can sing mariah carey's song or celine dion song...
so jealous of his voice...
lol...
that's it for now...
stay sweet...

2009-04-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

LIVING 2 LIFES?

wassup, i'm back...
in love and in pain...
don't understand?

2 MONTHS!!

WELL 7th april(today) was suppose to be a day full of fun and joy...
At least it was before dusk came...
I met up with my dear girl to celebrate our 2 months anniversary WOOHOO!!
had a great time...
At least i did...
Hope she did too...
cant get my origami right haha...
but we had our fair share of laughs...
up til we parted for home...
haha, still cant get that song(5 colours in her hair) out of my head...
sorry adik...
MET up with my brus...
they finally met her...
i got punched...
met my sis and we went home...

At Home(Hell ZONE)

reached home at about 7.30pm...
bad aura...
mom nags...
mom don't believe sis that the stupid speech day rehersal ended l8...
didn't believe there was ncc for sec 1...
which was true cos i checked..
tried protecting sis...
Covered her...
and got scars on my body now...
face too...
yeah...
dear girl seemed to be in a bad mood too...
didnt want her to worry...
but i know she will cos i would if i was her...
I'm sorry...
hope she's ok...
just love her so much...

ANYWAY

look readers...
if you have this problems...
keep it cool..
share it with a friend..
do not hold it inside...
let whoever is scolding you say whatever they want...
let them hit you...
cos you are not alone...
just make sure you DO NOT use their methods of 'discipline' in the future...
abuse is a bad thing...
remember do what you have to do but keep it low...
respect goes 2 ways...
be it authority or no authority...
ppl say this but do not ensure it...
be different in a good way...
ayte...
stay sweet...
mikah out...

A LITTLE ADVICE FROM ME

2009-04-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

LILMUNCHYMONSTER

look...
we all have crushes...
but just accept the fact that ppl do stupid things,
cos i do stupid things...
sometimes...
be brave...
be who you are...
those ppl don noe what they're doing ...
it'll soon stop...
they'll realise it...
so don complain ayte...
you ARE strong...
i know it...
laugh it off...
AYTE>>>stay sweet...

TO THOSE OUT THERE
so
being positive is a good thing...
treat everything as a lesson to learn...
It'll be hard...
but mastering it would do wonders in your life...
always have a right...
with every pain lies a new door to open...
hurts but it'll hurt more to stay put and not move on...
occasionally,
we'll be reminded of the days of these occurance...
put a smile...
cos you have stayed strong and accomplished a great deal of things...
so don give up...
keep trying...
SMILES AND LOVE>>MCDADDY MAD JOKER

doing it for the first time5/4/09

2009-04-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

guess i'll try this
got nuts to do anyways
i guess this could be a way to reach out to those
IN NEED of help....
or just think i'm dead lol...

Firstly my BRUs
sorry man...
Been busy l8ly...
dont get it wrongly...
love you guys...
sumtimes...
quite hard to have time for anything...
you know my mom...
mataer aku pun kadang2 kena reject
klau nak kluar...
so i apologise....
REALLY REALLY SORRY

Secondly my beLOVEd
really miss you,
dont know how many times uve heard tht...
Ever since tht incident...
i'm so afraid...
no more j-walking for me...

i think...
oh, waking up early never been so refreshing...
haha no more piggy...
I LOVE YOU DEAR CRYSTAL

Finally EVERY1
all of you must meet...
best time to do it...
my bday...
7/5/09
really must meet...
brus and beloved...
i want to see your smiling faces...
when the cake and what not is in my face...
haha...
it'll be the best present for me k...
for all my loved ones wif me...
that includes you brus...
YAY!CAKE ON FACE!