mikahnafri
midnight serenade 5/02/2009 10:11:00 AM
It seems that i haven't been really happy at all. Am I CHANGING? or is it life's test to see whether i would still want to go through with it. Either ways i don't want to know. Am i that WEAK. to let go and give up. i've done that like so many times. it's that HARD for me. If POLY is changing me then i'd rather NOT GO. if being OLDER makes me wanna let go then i'd stay YOUNG. should i have said those words to everyone. what if i don't stick to it. i just don't know right now. everything anyone has ever told me. brus, cryst, mom, dad. just really hopelessly LOST. why do i even complain to ppl when i can't do shit. have i let cryst down? have i let brus down? do mom and dad really trust me? i can no longer help ppl. i've lost that. all those times when thinking hard was the only thing i've got. to make myself better. to be somebody. i like helping ppl but it seems that bydoing so i would later on hurt them with my PRESENCE. i've always known what to do. why do i not know now. is it happening again. where the villains have their happily ever after. still having the scars of what used to be but still i fight for what may be. is this right. still it's what i want to do, to be with you. BUT would you still have enough to be with ME. don't want to be a BURDEN. just wanna love. nothing to fight against but life itself. two paths, two ways, two endings. my brus, are we still blood or just me and mus, que mayb. or could it be me. i love you all still. but would you still accept me when its hard for us to share even a laugh. all these questions. would there be answers. or just another memory or a passing thought.
i never wanted this to happen between any of us(cryst and brus)
or is it only mewho feels this way. i have always been the different guy. the guy who none of you would expect me to be. am i just changing to becoming a regular jerk who forgets his words and his ppl. would i still be mikah nafri in your eyes or just plan md. irfan hakm. is mellisa right to say that i cannot help my own relationship. have she been right. have i overlooked myself. or am i still everything i promised and said i would be and do. why are tears just flowing again. talking about you everyday and night to ppl. not knowing how you are and feeling. is mom right ? am i a bad boyfriend and friend. all is left to say is i still hold my promises to you. to belive or not to believe is up to you. i'm still thinking of how to rid this insanity and pain from my ( your?) heart. from seeing you to talking to you.
BEST WISHES~MIKAHNAFRI
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